


Hunger of the Pine (Bonus Material and Extras)

by kalika_999



Series: Sleeplessly Embracing You [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Food Issues, Gaslighting, M/M, Non-Chronological, Other Additional Tags to Be Added
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-11-12
Packaged: 2018-09-24 00:17:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 13,438
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9691034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kalika_999/pseuds/kalika_999
Summary: Please heed tag warnings from HOTP for this one.





	1. Intro

This is where I will put extras bits not included in chapters, past history of characters etc.

A lot of it will consist of situations involving Bucky so I would like to kindly remind anyone reading that there will most likely be some amount of abuse.

All tags related to Hunger of the Pine exist here.

 


	2. Bucky & Steve - Kenny

Bucky was sending a text and idly licking green tea ice cream off his spoon when someone seated themselves across from him. He glanced up to see Steve unrolling a fork out of a spare napkin bundle and picking through the sushi he was going to get packed up.

“So, who was the sad looking tatted guy trying to run out of here like you called out his bullshit?”

Bucky smiled, “I never called him out on anything, I clarified things. That was Kenny, yes his name was Kenny. He said I was cute, asked me out when I was on the train earlier today. Since I knew I was going to meet up with you and had no plans on taking anyone home I told him to meet me here. Turns out though, Kenny thought I was sixteen because Kenny’s seventeen. I sent his jail bait ass home.”

Steve inhaled rice through his windpipe, choking for a second as he doubled over the table and hit his chest a few times looking up in bewilderment, “Are you serious?”

Bucky nodded, “He looks twenty five and I look sixteen, go figure it’s about the other way around. He offered that we could go back to his moms house to mess around but I politely declined and said he should go. I don’t wanna get arrested even if I’m not that much older.” 

Steve looked back out towards the shop front window seeing if the guy was still out there, stealing Bucky’s cup of steaming green tea, “I don’t get the tattoos though, he had a lot looked like he was just out of prison. Don’t get me wrong I like them but he was covered in them.”

Frowning as he ate some more ice cream, Bucky shrugged, “I thought they were hot, imagine having sex and running your hands over- ”

Steve raised a hand, grimacing, “Okay stop, that’s just gross. The kid’s seventeen.”

Bucky burst out laughing, “I wasn’t specifying _his_ tattoos, I was just saying in general!” He smacked Steve’s hand trying to push it away from the food, “And stop eating all my dinner!” 

“I’m hungry though.” He whined, mouth full and looking pitiful, nudging his feet softly against Bucky’s.

Sighing as he rested his hand against his cheek Bucky gave up, watching the blond pour more tea into the cup as he nudged his foot back at him, “What am I going to do with you?” 

“I don’t know but I need to order me some noodles, I’m not feeling all this raw fish.” He cupped his hand under a forkful of salmon sashimi with a light dip of soy sauce holding it out. 

He could only stare at Steve a second before he leaned in and let him feed him. He looked around for a waitress as he chewed, only to find his ice cream stolen in the process and his raw fish in its place.

“Steve..”

“I’m hungry!”

“Don’t they feed you across the street?”

“Our cook got sick so he was sent home, the kitchen closed early.” 

Bucky felt Steve wrap his legs around his own and he felt his face warm, watching his friend focus on the bowl of ice cream and gobble it up like an overgrown child, a fond smile crossing his face. 

He wasn’t sure if he could ever stop having feelings for him, raising his hand to call the waitress over when he caught her walking by, his eyes returning to watch the blond again.

He wasn’t sure he really wanted to.


	3. Bucky & Alex - Essays

Bucky wasn’t a fan of college applications. The grunt work was fine, he was about a year or something late in the game but that was also fine. Recommendations kind of didn’t work for him, he didn’t need them he found out considering who’s child he was. He still had to write an essay though and he was so very terrible at essays.

“You’ve been glaring at that blank sheet of paper for awhile.”

Bucky startled, dropping his pencil and looking up to see a guy leaning up against the table he was at forgetting entirely that he was in the public library. Tall and wiry with glasses and a mop of messy dark hair, Bucky had seen him working around the book stacks a few times but never really spoke to him. His name tag read ‘Joshua’ and there was a little picture of a stack of books beside it.

“I just,” Bucky glared back at his paper, “I have to write an essay for college and I don’t know how to start it, end it, or anything. I’ve been racking my brain but it seems to want my failure.”

The guy chuckled, pointing at the application and waiting for permission before he picked it up to skim the essay section, “I don’t think it’s too bad, maybe you’re trying too hard right now. You should definitely take a break, I saw you when you came in like you were determined but now an hour later you’ve bitten through three pencils and still got nothing. Maybe call it a day and come back tomorrow. Besides, we close in thirty minutes.”

Shoulders falling, Bucky knew he was right, glancing up at the wall clock and sighing at it, time hated him just as much.

“I guess you’re absolutely right.”

“Trust me, I was in your shoes a couple years ago, I know the feeling.” He put his hand out giving him a warm smile, “I’m Josh by the way, if you see me the next time you’re in don’t hesitate to bounce ideas on me if you want. I’m pretty decent at essays.”

Smiling back, Bucky shook his hand, “My name’s Bucky and I think I just might do that next time, thank you.”

The sliding doors opened at the front and Alex strolled in flipping his keys into his palm immediately spying the pair, who caught him at the same time. Bucky gave his boyfriend a wave, watching his face slightly shift to irritation when he saw the librarian.

He strode over, glancing around the room with a tired expression, “I thought you were finishing your essay.”

Bucky shrugged helplessly, “I was but I can’t do it, nothing’s coming to mind. Maybe I’ll try later.”

“So instead you were chatting it up with some guy.”

Josh raised his brows in surprise, “Actually, I just work here. Your friend looked like he was having problems getting some ideas and was so invested I figured I would let him know we were closing soon just in case and offer him help the next time he dropped in.”

“He’s my _boyfriend_ ,” He corrected in a challenging tone before he turned back to Bucky gesturing for him to get a move on, “Come on. I have to drop you off at Rumlow’s before I head out to the Hills for a party.”

Backing off with a wary look at Alex, Josh played up a curt smile, “Well, I’ll see you tomorrow maybe Bucky. Bye.”

Bucky shuffled everything together, trying to tuck it all away quickly into a folder, “Bye Josh. A party? You don’t want me to come?”

“The nerve of that guy. No idea why you wanna slum it when you can have your own library and you won’t like it. Katy invited me to go with her, you know how she is.”

Pushing back his chair, Bucky pulled himself up as he shouldered his backpack with a mild look of disbelief, “I like the environment and are you talking about your ex? I thought you told me you couldn’t stand her?”

Alex shrugged, “I can’t but she asked me to come out, you know how it is. You’d hate being around her, I’m saving you the trouble.” He slung an arm around Bucky’s shoulders as they escaped the building and began the walk to the parking lot, “Besides you love hanging out with Brock, you two can have a nice time and order some pizza or whatever you do. Take a break from applications, you’ve been working hard on them. You deserve it.”

Bucky was struck with a feeling of bafflement, “This is the fourth time she’s called you in the past two weeks and every time you’re with her, you don’t call me back until the next day..”

Alex paused, gazing at him, “What’re you, my wife? Relax. You’re over thinking it. I get so drunk sometimes, I don’t wanna call you when I’m like that James, you know that.” 

They continued walking, the arm around his shoulders tightening as he was pressed close against Alex’s side, it was weird how foreign his name was when Alex said it, like he didn’t like it out of his mouth. 

Fingers lightly brushed along his shoulder and he hazarded a glance at Alex again, watching him staring straight ahead. He was sure his boyfriend was right, he _had_ been working hard and definitely needed a break unwinding with Rummy. 

Besides, Alex only had his best interests in mind, he was sure of it.


	4. Bucky & Clint (August/September 2015) - Cedar Lake Lodge

Bucky woke up to the soft sounds of his heart machine pleasantly beeping along, a hand tightening around fingers as his eyes fluttered open. 

Clint pushed himself up off his chair moving to stand beside the bed rail, “Hey asshole, came here to visit ya and you were sleepin’.” 

Bucky smiled, giving his hand a squeeze, “Sorry, didn’t know you were gonna drop in before I left here.”

“Yeah well, everyone else got to see you and I figured why not?”

Spying the cigarette tucked behind Clint’s ear, Bucky held a twinge of sadness knowing he was probably stressing out. He pushed himself up against the pillows, shifting to one end of the bed a little and tilted his chin at the railing, “Come sit with me.” 

Looking back towards the door, Clint unlocked the bed arm to tuck it down and scoot up beside him, “I don’t know how long I got before your mom comes back. They said two but who knows what schedule she has in her head. In any case Imogen packed your suitcase for you. Your laptop’s in your backpack though I’m not sure if they’re going to limit the use on you. I would password it if I were you anyway, just in case. You really sure about this Barnesy? I can break you out, no sweat.”

Bucky smiled again, one corner pushing up higher than the other resting his head against his friend’s shoulder, “I know you can. Been breaking out of shit all your life, you’re a Goddamn expert at it. I ever tell you I love you?”

Clint batted the corner of the blanket with his shoe, “All the damn time with that stuff. I love you too, I don’t know why though.”

“Hmn, good then,” They glanced up at a nurse giving the door a light knock and flashing a smile when she stepped inside removing the last of all the monitoring machinery and shutting them off. She gave him a goodbye wave and Bucky returned it not remembering her name since he barely met her earlier. He only waited until the door closed again before picking up where he left off, “And..I should go. It’ll be okay.”

“I background checked it with Loki, you know we had to look and it’s pretty legit. No missing dead bodies taken away for experimentation, unexplained suicides or weird police reports about ghost sightings, nothin’.”

A tired smile crossed Bucky’s face, “Good then. Make sure everyone knows so they won’t worry I’ll disappear and- ” 

“ -Are ya mocking me for being thorough?”

“Not at all.”

They both shared a laugh, everything stopping when Winifred walked into the room followed by two orderlies and Clint tensed, shifting his body instinctively to wedge himself in front of Bucky before anything even happened.

Frowning, Bucky tried to hold his friend’s arm to keep him from saying anything, “Clint..”

Brows were already narrowed though and his jaw was set, gesturing his hand almost wildly at the two men in white, “Are you seriously kidding me right now? He’s going voluntarily! He doesn’t need escorts or be treated like he’s gonna stir up trouble!”

Bucky held firm to his wrist, “Clint. Stop, it’s alright.” 

A frown crossed Mrs. Barnes’ face, “Manners would get you farther in life young man. Just because you were raised around people with low standards doesn’t mean you should act like one of them.” 

“I liked ‘em all better than _you_.” Clint seethed back, his slightly off Midwestern accent slipping into some of his words out of habit when he was upset, grit teeth bared in irritation like he was ready to strike at any moment. 

“If you were my child I would have locked you up in a boarding school somewhere- ”

“ -Mama stop.” Bucky pleaded out softly, his own accent melting into his words as he felt his age reverting with the name he addressed her with.

Her eyed shifted to look at him, “I don’t even know why you’re associating yourself with that kind of trash- ”

“Mom!”

“Trash?! This coming from the fakest woman I’ve ever met. You should go look in the damn mirror if you wanna see some trash lady, you should move into a dumpster for the sake of everybody!”

Bucky winced, tightening his grip, “Clint stop, this isn’t helping.” 

“James, we’re leaving. I’ll be in the car.”

She pushed past the two orderlies that looked absolutely lost before they turned and left as well. Bucky sighed, glancing at his best friend.

“You know she doesn’t care about what you have to say, why bother?”

Clint rubbed the back of his neck apologetically, “Aw geez Buck. I know. I know but she just gets right under my skin! I finally get the guts to talk back to her and it’s more frustrating than when I was too scared to say shit. I always remembered each time she was talkin’ crap to you, I remember all of them and I look at her, the way she thinks she’s better than me..better than you! I just get angry and lose my temper. I just can’t control how she makes me feel.”

\-----

Bucky held his backpack tighter to his chest the closer the vehicle approached the gated private acreage, brows nervously knit together and repeating to himself over and over again that it would be fine and that he’d be able to make calls. It was okay, he was okay. His hand draped over his other, fingers idly playing with his hospital bracelet before they pulled to a stop and their driver stepped out.

He stared at two heavy double doors at the end of a small stone walkway opening, a woman in a white nurse’s uniform stepping out before the car door nearest to his mother opened and she stepped out to greet the lady. 

Bucky’s side door opened soon after, almost startling him and his eyes caught the almost apologetic look from their driver before a hand swept away from him for Bucky to come out. Gripping tightly to the strap of his bag, he pulled himself out of the back of the car. Out of habit he used the obstruction to make sure he was ready for his introduction, pulling up his jeans and making sure his shirt wasn’t riding on him when he was sitting while he smoothed out wrinkles before he made his way around.

He absently swept a hand over his unruly hair, his mother turning around to watch him before the nurse stepped forward with a smile and a hand out.

“And you must be James! How very nice to meet you, welcome to Cedar Lake Lodge.”

Bucky was terrified.


	5. Bucky & Steve - Dog Cops

Steve sat down on the couch with his sketch book not paying much attention to the ominous music and voice over narration while two people were talking to the camera man and walking to a house. He only looked back at his page, charcoal smudges against his hands, Bucky already there with a blanket around his shoulders fixated on the TV. 

He heard something about a puppy and there was a hiccuped cry and Steve’s hand froze and his brain immediately went into a mode he absently named _soft Bucky_ mode, he glanced up to see Bucky rubbing his eyes trying to pay attention to what was going on through dabbing fingers, light picking up the sheen of tears on his cheeks.

Steve internally sighed, knowing what was on before he looked, animal police or detectives or whatever line of authority they had while talking on screen with a veterinarian and blurred images of a dead puppy. He picked up the remote and changed it to the Dog Cops marathon he knew was playing because Clint wouldn’t shut up about it for the past couple days whenever he talked to Nat.

“Hey, I was watching that!”

“No, you were watching and getting upset over people being cruel to animals and I don’t want you crying about dead puppies or cats or horses or chickens or reptiles later like last time when you went to bed and cried over that horse that had a gamey leg that had to be euthanized by the end of the episode.”

“But _Steve_.”

He locked eyes with him, “ _No Bucky_. I’m not letting you.”

To make his point, he stuffed the remote between the cushions under where he sat and Bucky pouted that pout Steve was supposed to give in to and he would have if the thought of Bucky crying about animals having no justice served over their abuse wasn’t hanging over his head. 

“ _No_. Watch Dog Cops or watch nothing.”

Bucky’s face did that fussing thing it did when he didn’t get his way which weirdly was the most adorable thing in the world as he glanced over at the TV. It took him a few minutes to settle but when he did he was more relaxed than tense and hugging one of the decorative pillows to his chest.

“I love this episode about Sarge.”

Steve finally let himself relax, settling himself back into his sketch book.

Crisis Averted..for today at least.


	6. Bucky & Winifred / Bucky & Imogen - Ballet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please heed tag warnings from HOTP for this one.

He learned he liked dancing around nine, really realizing it. He was sure it was earlier but moving to your own beat and flailing your arms around like a stumbling zombie only raised the ire of his mother and was told you were an embarrassment if you kept at it. 

When him and Clint found Natalia practicing ballet one day he was more curious than anything and she was quite than happy to show him what she knew, she liked to teach it and he liked to follow her lead. Clint just liked to watch, mostly her but he enjoyed cheering Bucky’s wobbly legs and awkward arms. 

He wasn’t dignified and graceful like Nat was, steady and strong. He ended up teetering and going off balance, falling into furniture and knocking his arms into walls fearing she would finally lose her temper and tell him to stop but she never did. Natasha always smiled and told him to try again, move around him and fix his posture, count out steps, encourage him.

The first time his mother caught them in the music room she was livid. He was wearing Natasha’s black leotard and warmers, he saw absolutely nothing wrong with them. Imogen had even helped him fit into them, a little snug but he could handle it. She had told him to go off and practice and she would check later when she had their lunch ready. Secretly he was going to do a dance with Nat and show her, Clint was finding it hard to keep the secret.

But his mother..

She was talking with her voice raised a mile a minute wondering out loud into the room with them about what had gotten into his head. She grabbed and held his arm so tight he had to lean in an angle to keep it from hurting while she asked Charles to send Natalia and Clint home. 

Bucky only got scared when Clint suddenly froze up and looked horrified. A ward of the state in a home he didn’t want to be in that didn’t care if he showed up again as long as they got paid and he was there when they checked on him. Natasha grabbed Clint’s hand and assured him that he won’t be going back and he could come over to her house to play. Bucky was relaxing again before he was dragged off, tripping over feet and hitting his forearm hard on the floor struggling to get back on both legs.

“Mommy stop please, I can’t get- ”

She turned her head sharply glaring down at him, “You listen here James. You march right up those stairs, go into your room and change. Don’t come out tonight, you stay there and think about this and if I come check on you and you haven’t done what I said you’re going to get into big trouble.”

She wrenched him to his feet and forcefully pushed him to the stairs, small hands catching the steps, knees hitting the edge.

“You said you wanted me to learn dancing though,” His brows worried together, going up as he turned to look at her, “Mama..”

She pinched the bridge of her nose in frustration, “Not ballet, not in tights like a little girl. You’re a _boy_ , James.”

He gave her a puzzled look, a half smile because he wasn’t sure if she was making a joke or not, “I know I’m a boy, I just like dancing like Natalia, she’s pretty when she dances.”

“You’re not supposed to be _pretty_ James, you’re supposed to be strong and dominant. Why are you insistent on being such a problem?” 

Bucky opened his mouth to say something but he didn’t much understand anything he did wrong. His mouth formed a hard line, chin scrunching together in confusion. He only said the one thing he knew to say when he was wrong.

“I’m sorry.”

“Go. Get upstairs to your room, get out of that ridiculous leotard and take a bath. You’re not allowed to come down for dinner tonight, just stay in there and go to bed when you’re supposed to or else I swear to God James. Do I make myself clear?”

“Yes mama.”

 

After his bath, he dressed himself in some blue pajamas and settled to read because he was too scared to ask mama to forgive him. There was a knock at the door and he looked up from his too big to sit in high-back armchair to see Imogen sneak in. Bucky’s eyes widened and he waved at her to go away.

“Mommy is mad at me, she’ll get mad at you too if she sees you here.”

Img looked back outside before she shut the door and locked it, hands tucked behind her back as she approached him, “I’m sorry she’s mad at you, are you okay?”

He looked back at his book and nodded, “She said I can’t eat dinner, my arm hurts from her holding it too tight but only because she was mad I did something bad.”

A hand slid back his pajama sleeve to look, warm fingers gently soothing the angry red prints, a wrapped sandwich resting on the page he was reading. 

He peered up, “I can’t eat that, what if mummy- ”

Imogen shook her head, brushing brown hair from his eyes, “She won’t, I promise. You can eat that and,” She pulled an apple juice box from her apron pocket and a wrapped up cookie, “And these. Okay?” 

Bucky eyed the sandwich, tempting him as hunger gnawed away in his belly, mouth screwing up in a frown, “What about you Imgy?”

Kneeling down to meet him eye to eye, she gave him a smile, “If you don’t tell, I won’t tell. Now come on and eat it, I know you like roast beef.”

He eyes widened, “With the cheese that has the spicy things in it?”

“Pepper jack cheese?” She laughed, planting a kiss at his temple as she reached over the arm to help him unwrap the plastic, “Yes, and mustard.”

“And mustard.” He confirmed, peeking into it with a grin and poking a leaf of lettuce trying to slide out, “Thank you.” 

He glanced over to see her fold her arms against the arm of the chair, resting her chin as she quietly watched him eat. He wiggled closer to that side of his seat and rested his head against her arm as he chewed.

“I don’t think I can dance like Natalia no more.” He mumbled out with his mouth full.

“Hm,” She hummed, “Don’t give up on that just yet, alright?” 

Grey blues turned to look at her, “Okay.”

She smiled at him, pressing another kiss on his head, “Okay.”


	7. Bucky & Steve - Accidental Sexting

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some pictures I saw and me making a joke about Bucky hitting the wrong ST on his phone and getting Steve instead of Storm led to this. (Images in end notes)

Sometimes Steve wondered if the world was out to get him.

When he stood in front of a mirror at age eight and he was all skin and bones only in his underpants and trying to flex his bony arm like the athletes on television and on the magazines he wondered then.

He wondered that when he started noticing boys a lot more than girls and felt like he wasn’t _normal_ because of it, at first. Only solidified in his notion when Sharon Carter, the head cheerleader at George Washington High, kissed him in the backseat of her dad’s car while the man was in the store and tried to get his hand up her skirt and he fled the scene like he robbed the place. (Sam also laughed at him the whole day when he showed up huffing and puffing to his family’s home and told him what happened as he tried to wash his hand clean because, no.)

It came to mind once while he was doing a keg stand with Thor holding his drunk ass up at a house party while a bunch of his equally intoxicated friends and fellow football players were squat down at eye level chanting _chugchugchug!_ and he kept doing it like a dumbass he was. He threw up almost immediately out one of the windows as soon as he attempted to walk in a blurry zigzag for the bathroom.

He also wondered that as he banged his forehead over and over again against the wall beside the washer, clothes half falling out and his wet jeans in hand covered in bits of white paper. He told his mom about it and tried not to look so unhappy that he lost his friend’s number and may never see him again. He was pretty sure she knew his interest wasn’t entirely on the level of _friend_ at that point and she soothingly reached over and squeezed his shoulder telling him everything comes together in due time.

In the past year he hadn’t asked it as much as he had since Bucky came back into his life. No one get him wrong, he would never change a thing on him or wish to lose track of him again but Bucky did things that made Steve pay attention for the _wrong_ reasons and he kind of hated himself for it.

And Buck, well you couldn’t tell Bucky anything because he was who he was and Steve was okay with that. 

Well..

On random occasion Bucky sent him pictures; ones of dogs, birds flying across the sky, a lot of pictures that had snow in it as of late. Sometimes they were of him sipping coffee and giving him a small cute wave asking how he was doing, food he found delicious, there were tons of Lucky being Lucky or just a shot of Bucky’s feet with new socks that had penguins/bears/chickens/any animal under the sun or sea all over them. 

All in all, Steve liked getting texts from him with pictures, they were nice when he wasn’t around.

That all came to a head when Bucky had accidentally sexted him a picture of himself shirtless with sweats riding so low he was pretty sure they were off his butt and just sitting snug around his thighs. Most of his face was cut off and he was leaning forward a bit so he was tastefully covered in the right place and it was immediately followed by a message telling Johnny to come over and Steve was deleting it as soon as his brain had realized _what_ he was looking at.

They never brought it up, Bucky never apologized and Steve acted like it never happened. He had gone drinking prior to the event so he was sure Bucky didn’t even notice, he wasn’t going to dwell on it. His brain did, while he slept but he mostly ignored his brain, it did some curious things Steve didn’t approve of.

Germany happened and a few weeks passed. The question presented itself again while Steve was staring at the pages of his current book and he had stretched himself out on the couch with his reading glasses perched on his nose when his phone chimed happily for his attention. Not thinking much of anything, he opened it while trying to finish off the paragraph he was on before finally turning to the picture only to be face to face with Bucky naked in a tub with thighs wide open and bubbles in the right place, his hand covered his modesty just in case the bubbles didn’t get it all and Steve almost choked on his spit. He wasn’t sure what to make of it, especially with the winking emoticon that came with it and the _come over_ right after. 

He was definitely staring, taking off his glasses to rub his eyes tiredly and then slip them on just to warily look again like he knew he shouldn’t but too shocked in place not to. The phone chiming again broke him out of his dumbfounded state, pressing the heel of his hand down between his legs to stop himself from getting any ideas about _that_ because no dick, not now.

_**Buckywucks:** Oops! Sorry Stevie, that was for Jo. :)_

Steve never had hated the smiley face emoticon so much in his entire life, dropping his head back with a groan and pushing himself to delete the picture and type back a generic _no probs_ like it wasn’t a big deal at all.

He threw his phone on the table with his book and raked his hands through his hair in frustration before he pressed his face against his palms with a loud frustrated groan.

“Why me?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No dicks but nsfw lol  
> [Sweats ref pic](https://i.imgur.com/mRWvl17.jpg) / [Bath ref pic](https://i.imgur.com/Lat54hS.jpg)


	8. Bucky & Jack - Shopping Woes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Takes place at the mall prior to Jack's admission to having dreams about a certain someone. (Chapter 25)

Bucky stood back with a hand on his hip and a knuckle digging lightly into the cleft of his chin as he assessed looking over Jack standing before a three pane mirror fixing his cuff button.

“So, what's the verdict?”

“Walk for me.”

“..You're joking.”

Bucky gestured for him to move, the salesgirl standing aside and Jack made a small sound, shaking his head before taking a couple steps to the side and walking past him with his head up and back straight. 

“Walk, walk, walk, walk,” Bucky snapped his fingers in a steady beat, studying his pants, “Turn and walk. Okay.”

Jack shoved his hands into his pockets, an expression of tired patience, “I’m ain’t the model Kiddo.”

Fanning his hands like he was batting away words, Bucky huffed, “Oh stop talking like you’re an old man. You’re only four years older than me and fucking hot. You have to have clothes to match the level of hotness you’re exuding. Even that look you’re giving me like you’re so done with trying on clothes is hot, any guy or girl would love to climb you like a tree over and over again, trust me.”

The girl giggled softly, raising a hand to cover her mouth and Bucky grinned over at her and nodded in agreement, “Am I right or am I right?”

She helplessly nodded and tried avoiding Jack’s surprised gaze.

“Ha, I told you Jackie. Don’t doubt me.”

Jack tried not to roll his eyes.

Bucky nodded, “Definitely take those black dress pants, makes your ass look good and that steel grey shirt you picked up earlier. Take the one you’re wearing too, and that navy blue one.” He rested a hand on the girl’s shoulder, passing over one of his credit cards, “Also that long cable knit cardigan he was looking at when we walked in, the cream colored one with the brown buttons, get that packed up too.”

“Of course Mr. Barnes.”

“You know, I’m right here and I can afford my own clothes.”

Bucky batted his lashes at him in amusement, “I know you can, I also don’t care what you have to say about it. I’m doing it.”

Jack lightly nudged him with his hip as he looked himself over again, “Is this how you strong-armed Steve into getting one of Vincenzo’s tuxedos?”

“I may have.” Bucky smiled coyly, “He’s pretty weak to my doe eyes.”

Snorting under his breath, Rollins studied the way his pants looked when he walked, “Yeah, no shit he does.”


	9. Bucky & Alex - Dinner for two

Bucky smiled politely to the maid at the door walking in as she smiled back stepping aside so he could pass.

“He’s in the kitchen Mr. Barnes.”

“Thank you.” Bucky let out with a grin, curious as to why Alex would be over there.

Walking through the large foyer as he slipped his sunglasses off, he always liked casting his eyes across the embellished molding and art hanging off the walls. He only lingered a little before picking up his footsteps, moving faster since he was already late, “Alex?”

“In here!”

Bucky followed the fragrance of jasmine scented rice and lemony baked salmon, smiling wider as he walked into the lavish upscale kitchen that seemed to be pulled straight out of some home and living magazine. Bright windows led the retreating orange red sunlight to stream in, the beams bouncing off copper pots and pans hanging off a hook rack over a six range gas stove where Alex was, back to him. Soon he was glancing over his shoulder with a grin, holding a plate as he rested a portion of fish against it before setting it down on the counter, dressed in one of the chef’s aprons over a soft beige cashmere turtleneck and dark slacks.

“Ah, there you are. You finally made it.”

Still in awe of seeing Alexander actually _cooking_ because that was so wonderful in itself he grinned wider as he stepped closer leaning against the counter admiring the way Pierce turned back to the baking tray, fingers carefully unfolding another sleeve of foil as he made small sounds at skin lightly burning to the steam escaping and the heat encased in the wrapping. Bits of blond hair fell over his forehead as he delicately plated another piece of fish with rice and asparagus already waiting.

Bucky adored just the sight of him like that. So patient, so fixated on the task at hand.

“Oh, yeah sorry for the wait. I had to hang around until Johnny left with his mother, they came to talk to mom about this charity event they’re co-hosting and Jo’s the Master of Ceremonies for it this time around. I wasn’t sure why they needed me but I had to stick around a few minutes.

He barely noticed the small twitch as the corner of Alexander’s lip, a smile easing it out of the way as he reached for some dill sauce set in a tiny pitcher, drizzling it along the fish.

“And how is Johnny these days?”

Spying the salad resting on the marble topped island behind his boyfriend, Bucky plucked a cucumber from the center of it, shrugging absently, “I don’t know. Jo’s just Jo I guess. I didn’t really talk to him. We mainly sat and made long suffering faces while our mothers babbled on about stuff we didn’t care about.”

Pierce made a small sound of acknowledgment, attempting to pass the first plate to him, “Take this to the dining room for me will you?”

Nodding in agreement, Bucky stepped forward, “Sure but I thought we were going out to eat tonight?”

It was then that Alex tensed, plate still in hand as he turned around and blue eyes peered at him questionably, “Do you _want_ to go eat out after I cooked for you?”

Immediately Bucky felt the room grow tense, a subtle sensation that picked up and grew rapidly around them, shrugging helplessly as his hands instinctively went up in surrender, “No! I didn’t mean it like that, I just thought you wanted to when you called me. Of course I don’t want to go _now_ , why would I? You made all this effort and it looks so perfect, you know how I am Lex..I just run my mouth without thinking sometimes.”

He reached for the plate only to have it pulled back and out of his reach, Alex narrowed his eyes slightly and Bucky wasn’t sure if he was angry or let down by him, “If I knew you were going to be ungrateful maybe I shouldn’t have made you dinner. I didn’t know you were that selfish _James_.”

Bucky opened his mouth, a huff of surprise escaping as he choked out a strangled laugh, “You got this all wrong, I meant more like what changed your mind, that’s all.”

Alex was staring at him, eerily calm and studying him like he was detecting if he was lying or not. Bucky felt uncomfortable, his posture shrinking down, a sensation digging in to try and make himself smaller somehow.

“I thought it would be a nice surprise for you, I guess I was being too hopeful you would appreciate it.”

“No! Alex no, I’m sorry it came out that way. I’m stupid, I really thought you wanted to go out. I love staying in with you, please forgive me you know how I get. Please?”

Alex’s gaze dimmed as he held the plate out between them again, Bucky biting back his babbling as he pulled his hands away not sure if he should take the plate of food or if he was being tested, though he wasn’t entirely sure why he _would_ be tested. 

He hesitated too long though and Pierce only let out a low distinctly disappointed sigh, releasing the plate from his fingers and keeping his eyes leveled with Bucky’s as it shattered to the floor with a loud smash between their feet. Bucky couldn’t help the way he winced over the sound.

“Forget it, I’m not hungry anymore. If I knew you were going to act this way, I wouldn’t have bothered putting an effort in for you.” He sniffed faintly as he glanced away to the side, “I feel a little insulted.”

Bucky frowned, pulling his sweater sleeves over his hands nervously and Alex abruptly smiled at him, sickly sweet before he drew it away and shook fragments of ceramic off his socks and was stepping towards the kitchen doors, “Can you at least care enough to clean that mess up?” 

Like some invisible tunnel he was running through that whole time, the hollowing sensation dispersed the moment Alex left the room leaving Bucky restless and wound up. He looked down as he slid his feet back and away, careful with the sharp splinters and his fingers started to twitch, light absent ticks against the material of his jeans and he folded them into fists trying to keep his mind together. 

He turned to the sound of the front door opening and closing; if that was Judge Pierce.. 

He needed a broom..a broom would be a good idea, nervous eyes swept around for where there was a supply closet and someone entered the kitchen behind him.

“Oh, Mr. Barnes! I thought you left with Alex, I’m sorry!”

Bucky froze, “I..he left?”

The maid made a face, “Yes sir, just now. Were you not informed?”

Swallowing thickly, he addressed the mess on the floor instead, “I broke the plate, where’s your broom? I can clean it up.” 

A hand directed him to the doorway of the kitchen, “Oh not a problem, it’s what I’m paid for. You can go clean the food off your pants in the bathroom, I can get this for you.”

He managed to force out a strained smile and nodded, padding as quietly as he could into the bathroom and locking himself in. 

Anxiety was settling into him accompanied with a rise of panic climbing through, heat flushed over his cheeks and his entire body felt weak and useless. He struggled to pull his socks off and he climbed fully clothed into the guest tub, hiding behind pearl colored reflective curtains and surrounded in immaculately kept white tiled elegance, lights too bright as he hugged his knees and tried muffling the crying he suddenly couldn’t stop. He just had to let it all pass, he had to remember to breathe and just ease himself out of it. It would be okay.

He chalked it up to his own issues, becoming anxious and wound up just as he was starting something with Alex and he was horrible at operating sometimes. He was so stupid, his brain wouldn’t act like it should and he didn’t blame Alex for being disappointed in him if only he was able to be normal for one damn fucking second.


	10. Bucky & Steve - Football Practice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You could probably follow this after Bucky's memory of seeing Steve walk through the school halls the first time.

Football practice definitely became one of Bucky’s favorite after school activities if he had nothing planned even if it was just him sitting on his ass. He gave Brock a wave, who waved back as he sidled up beside Sam Wilson who was speaking to coach Coulson with a small white board out, drawing a route on the field already permanently etched on the display. 

The other players were all warming up and all Bucky was doing was shifting his gaze to the Captain of the team. He drew in a deep breath and let it drag out, fixing at his longish past his ears hair that his mother absolutely hated and elbows went on his thighs, scruffy chin setting on hands smitten with watching Steve Rogers just _stroll_ out on the grass with his helmet tucked under his arm and already in his gear. He was throwing some comment back at Sam and grinning wide, perfect blond hair and teeth and everything else. Bucky wondered if he was in love.

“Oh,” Natasha lowered her sunglasses, letting them rest at the bridge of her nose wiggling in between him and Clint, “I see now why you think Steve Rogers is hot.”

Bucky scowled at her, turning his head only for a second before he looked back at the football field, his own eyes covered by a pair of blue framed sunglasses, the sun high over their heads even though there were better reasons for wearing them. 

Currently Steve was bent over, his back to the bleachers they were sitting on, tying his laces with not a care in the world. He had his head turned to a hefty blond sitting in the grass, muscles for miles, large hands gripping his cleats with his torso bent taut over muscular thick legs.

“I didn’t know Thor could bend like that.”

The both of them turned to look at Clint sucking on a slurpee and he paused, glancing back at them, “What?”

Bucky squinted at him, “Dude, are you sure you’re not gay or bi-curious at least?”

Clint only rolled his eyes, Natasha trying not to laugh as she hugged his arm, “Not yet, he hasn’t even asked me to finger him.”

“Natasha!” 

The redhead rolled her eyes, “Like anything we do is a secret around James.”

“Unfortunately.” Bucky huffed out in mild annoyance.

Steve started working on high knee drills with most of the team and Bucky dropped his head against Natasha’s shoulder with a pained whimper, “Why do I have to fall for a football player Natty?”

“Because those buns.” She replied simply with a smile.

Bucky agreed, there was no way that ass was gonna quit..

“Buck!”

He snapped his head to the bottom of the bleachers just to see Brock with a hand on his hip squinting up at him and Bucky almost panicked at being caught out only for his friend to hold up his phone, “C’mere will ya!?”

Jogging down the seats in rapid succession, Bucky stole one more glance through his shades at Steve then took Brock’s phone from him. 

“Take a picture for me to send to Jackie yeah? Since it’s my last year I might as well get a good one.”

Bucky looked down at the phone settings, “You two should get married already, like contact one of those shows that wants to focus on gays in the military like ‘my fiance and I wanted to marry but he got deployed and please grant us a dream wedding’.”

Bucky held the phone up with a grin and only got Brock glaring at him through it. 

“Just take the Goddamn picture you asshole. How I look?”

“Fine, but once you put on your helmet your hair’s gonna be all fuckery.” 

“I ain’t wearin’ it for practice ‘less Coulson tells me to.” 

“That’s stupid, smile.” Taking one picture, Bucky looked it over, “You look like a sad wife missing his hubby.”

“ _Kid_..”

Bucky snickered and held the phone up again, “Okay, okay. Turn sideways so he can see dat ass.”

“You know I can ask Nat to do this- ”

Laughing, Bucky held his hand up, “Fine, I’m sorry. Look less..murderous and more hello friend I miss you, don’t I look tight in this outfit?”

“I don’t say that shit..”

“Smile baby.”

The phone made a camera click sound and Bucky drew in a small sound of satisfaction, “That one’s better.”

He handed the phone over to Brock so he could look at it, someone jogging over and Bucky had just enough time to look up and drop his face when Steve stood beside them with a grin, “C’mon Rumlow, need ya out there.”

Brock closed the application and glanced up with a nod, “Yeah, my bad Rogers. Needed to get a picture taken for someone.”

Bucky stood insanely still and Steve turned to smile at him, “Hey.”

Trying not to internally scream out loud, Bucky was cut off by a different scream somewhere in their vicinity, the three of them looking past the bleachers to a girl in a cheerleading outfit. 

“Steve!”

There were other girls jogging along behind her, the blond beauty screaming excitedly as she put her arms out and Steve excused himself as he met up with her and she practically leaped in his awaiting ones, hers going around his neck and long legs that went on forever wrapping around his waist. She was laughing as he grinned back and whirled her around while Bucky was ready to barf.

“You got the picture Rummy?”

“Yeah, thanks. I owe ya.”

He made a small noise and returned back to the bleachers, Clint giving him a sympathetic smile, “Cock blocked by Sharon Carter, sorry about that.”

Bucky gave him a crooked half smile and shrugged, “What should I have expected? Like he was going to trade numbers with me after saying hi. Fat chance, looks like I'm pining for someone that's probably as straight as an arrow.”

Hitting his bicep a little harder than usual, Natasha had her sunglasses slipped on top of her head and narrowed perfect brows at him, “ _Maybe_! Don’t act like it might not happen, you don’t know.”

Pouting as he rubbed his arm he turned back to the field where Steve was done greeting the other girls and was jogging back to his team. The gaggle of girls went back to the side to work on routines and all was normal again.

Well, at least he could take solace from the fact that the girls weren’t directly involved in football practice and repeatedly distracting Steve.


	11. Bucky & Steve - Astronaut Pick-up Lines

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Vague timeline moment before Ch. 27.

Steve had a leaky faucet.

No, it wasn’t the beginning of some porno. 

Well his head kind of strayed to that, maybe.

The second he mentioned the issue to Bucky, his friend pushed up the sleeves on one of Steve’s many stolen Henley’s and asked him if he had tools that were big enough to fit around the sink pipes. Oddly he did, Sam giving him some when he was replacing his own and harping on him to get to know these basic things so that he didn’t have to rely on a super or repairman days on end.

Bucky on the other hand was embarrassing him in the basic knowledge of household jobs every adult should know. He’d had people wait on him hand and foot all his life and there he was, getting on own hands and knees to check a leaky pipe and accessing if he himself could repair it. 

He handed Steve back the flashlight he was using, “Keep that up for me will you? And good news, your seal is worn out, might need a new fitting.”

“That’s good news?”

Bucky turned himself over onto his back and buried back inside the cabinet, “Yeah, it means you don’t have something worse like the whole system needing replacement. What I can do tonight is tighten it up and test that theory out. Worse comes to worse the P-trap needs to be taken out and I can get a new one at any hardware store. Maybe I’ll pick up some epoxy too while I’m at it, unless you got some?”

For some reason Bucky’s hips shifting up while laying there was distracting Steve a little too much and all shop talk about _whatever_ he was going on about was making him feel a little hot under the collar.

“Steve?”

He snapped out of his head, giving it a slight shake, “P-trap? Epoxy?”

Bucky slid out a little on his ass and peeked his head out, “That’s definitely a ‘no I don’t have some’ face. All good.”

All Steve could do was swallow thickly and shove his restless thoughts away.

“I think this should be close to doing it.”

There was a small flare of happiness over that announcement as he watched Bucky’s face scrunch up trying to blindly find the pipe clamp wrench that sat outside the cabinet, his upper torso inside fixing the loosened pipe fitting Steve was sure the building manager would take three months to get someone to come up and see. 

Steve himself had sat down by Bucky’s long legs to shine the flashlight inside for him though most of the time he was admiring the small slip of skin that showed off Bucky’s belly button while he was stretching and moving to make sure there wasn’t any other issues and to fix the secondary problem of a slow drain, wiggling to his side or on his stomach. 

There was another problem that arrived when he was on his stomach, the bleak second of zoning in on Bucky’s ass made Steve pull his phone out to distract himself with the internet because _fuck_. 

Instinct was telling him to touch, instead he reached for the wrench and placed it into Bucky’s hands, hearing him say a small thanks and then averting his eyes back to random articles on Buzzfeed.

“Should I do,‘Bake A Cake And We’ll Tell You Which “Bridesmaids” Character You Are’ or ‘Tell Us Your Zodiac Sign And We’ll Tell You Your Dream Trip’

“What kinda stupid question is that while I’m fixing your sink?” Bucky let on, managing to crawl out from the cabinet with one swift movement, getting up on his feet to run the tap, gesturing for Steve to shine the light back in the same direction he was before.

Steve only shrugged, “Bored I guess.”

Bucky ran the faucet, both waiting with bated breath but nothing happened, the water ran and there were no leaks. 

He grinned as he toweled off his hands before leaning against the counter looking down at Steve still sitting cross legged, “The dream trip one.”

Steve chose Cancer and Bucky knelt down with the towel to wipe up any water.

“I got Hawaii.”

“Did you want Hawaii?” Bucky shot back.

His voice was muffled under the sink with his butt sticking out in sweatpants that were hiding nothing, they were so threadbare he didn’t know why Bucky was still wearing them. Steve quickly looked away, staring at his phone as a distraction again, “Never thought about it.”

Bucky only made a small noise that he heard him and stretched for the back of the cabinet to get the light spray of water collected there and Steve moved on to other articles. When he did finally find something amusing, he peeked over his phone then looked back at it again.

“Prepare yourself for some serious thrust.”

“Wha- ?” Bucky’s head bumped against the roof of the cupboard, making a small pained sound before he shuffled back a little and winced as he looked at Steve over his shoulder, “What?”

Still looking down at his phone, Steve was slightly smirking at it, “I wish my heart was made of astronaut ice cream because you’re making it melt.”

Climbing out completely, Bucky sat on his knees, his face fighting between a smile and confusion, “What?” He tried to see what Steve was looking at but the blond skirted away and got to his feet with a grin.

He choked back a laugh while reading, “I could use some help de-icing my nosecone.”

“What the hell are you looking at, wait are you seriously reading astronaut pick-up lines Steve? Steve!”

Stumbling against the arm of the couch, Steve sat on it, grinning wide, “Hey this is all right up your alley Buck! You just need a guy to lean in close and whisper, ‘the lack of gravity isn’t the only thing that will sweep you off your feet’ and you’ll be all over them.”

“Let me see!”

“Look on your own phone,” Steve smirked, pushing his finger along the screen to see the next one, “Besides, let’s go explore some celestial bodies.”

“Stop, you sound stupid saying them.”

Bucky tried to get Steve to let him see and his friend pulled back, both of them falling over the couch in a heap and Steve was trapped under Bucky’s weight on his stomach and his feet dangling off the arm. Bucky’s elbow dug into his ribs so he could fully lay out on his belly finally getting the phone but the page was switched to some ad in the struggle.

He peered at Rogers who was only grinning from ear to ear and knew that look too well.

“Steve..don’t even..”

Wiggling his brows, Steve gave him a playful wink, “You must be air traffic control because my shuttle’s starting to liftoff.”

“Oh my god,” Bucky rolled his eyes, pressing a hand over his mouth to deter him, “You’re so embarrassing.” 

Steve pulled his head back from his hand for one last hurrah, “Wait til you see the size of my rocket.”

With a groan, Bucky dropped his head against his friend's chest, “I really hate you right now.”


	12. Bucky & Winifred/Bucky & Natasha - Food Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Food Issues

He was barely hitting eleven when butter was his temporary enemy.

Bucky sat down at one of the plush dining chairs, the table laid out with detailed cloth and clean elegant china accompanied with polished silver. He was across from his mother, while his father sat at the head of the table and to his side and he kept focusing on the intricate details in the table cloth.

“James, remove your hands from off the table.”

Bucky slipped them away and pressed his hands against his thighs, face pinched as plates of food were set on top of larger ones already waiting there before his parents and then a third came and rested down in front of Bucky. The scent of the butter wafting out from his mixed grill vegetables and through the roasted chicken breast made his mouth water but it wasn’t from hunger. His hands balled into fists with the fabric of his pants coming with it as a wave of queasiness washed over him and he pushed it down as best he could. 

He stared at the butter glistening over some areas of the vegetables, a wave of nausea rushing over him as he remembered the afternoon. He ate two chocolate muffins, fresh and warm during breakfast. Imogen put bits of chocolate in them so they were gooey inside and he was going to tell her they were so good. 

He didn’t see mother watching him til he turned around, oatmeal still left to the side and his fruit untouched. She only smiled at him and asked him if he was finished. He wasn’t sure if he should be but he was full, the question leaving him with an uneasy feeling inside.

“James,” Eyes snapped up and Bucky saw his father cutting into his chicken with a frown across his face, “Are you going to eat or are you going to stare at your food all day?” 

Food. Garlic mash was his favorite, he wanted the chicken but the butter slid down, melting over warm vegetables, a minuscule little square of it trailing along a stem of broccoli and against the chicken, a small almond sliver of it rolling off the shiny curve of a section of red pepper and onto the potatoes, soaking into the soft cloud.

Bucky glanced over at his mother who was busy cutting up her vegetables and not even addressing either of them before he turned back to his father feeling his face flush, “I’m not hungry. Can I go to my room, please?”

Mama gave him a stick of butter to eat for lunch, said if he wanted to be a pig he should eat like one; or he could say goodbye to his friends ever coming to visit him again. He couldn’t stop throwing up afterwards.

George looked at him, setting his cutlery down and studying him a long moment, eyes sweeping over to his wife who was still chewing thoughtfully with her eyes cast down to her plate with an expression of ignorance as she dabbed the corner of her mouth with a linen napkin before he looked back at Bucky with a slightly questioned tilt of his head, “You won’t get anything else to eat tonight. Imogen isn’t here at your beck and call. She has errands in the morning that need attending to, I don’t want you waking her up for a sandwich.”

“I know, I’m just tired.” 

The butter was touching all his food.

Sighing loudly, George picked up his utensils again, “That’s because instead of sleeping you play those video games with your friends. And tell Clint Barton to stop climbing through windows, he practically gave one of the maids a heart attack. I don’t know why you choose friends that don’t know what a front door is.”

He waited quietly, in case his father had more to say, slowing his breathing down and trying to pick up every intricate detail around him, anxiousness slowly soaking into his bones and finally a fork gestured his way passively.

“Go.”

He tried to walk quickly, rounding the bend outside of the dining room and he paused at the fruit bowl in the sitting room, hoarding an orange before he walked faster than the soft voices could reach him but they always did because he thought maybe his parents tried to purposefully have him hear what they said about him so that maybe he would stop being an issue or stop being a problem.

“Why isn’t he eating?”

“He ate a heavy lunch, I assume that’s why. He needs to ease off the junk food anyway. All his supposed _friends_ keep feeding him garbage.”

He locked himself away in his bedroom and put the fruit on the side table, opening a drawer to push away some clothing before he tucked the item underneath beside a package of crackers and covered them up again, closing the drawer quietly as if maybe she may hear him.

He was going to get sick again.

*****

A week passed and Natasha was sitting down beside him, a light wool coat over a paisley colored dress with a black sash around her waist. The weather was a little warm but the wind kept a slight chill over them as Bucky kicked a rock by his shoe while they both perched on the short stone wall. The wind came in again and he shrank from it blowing into his face trying to dip his head behind the wide collar of his own wool coat, nose scrunching up in irritation to the napkin folding into the mustard squeezed over his hot dog.

He looked up at Clint counting out change in his palm while he stood in front of the hot dog cart for another, jeans grass stained and his half tucked in white shirt a little on the off colored side. He didn’t want to wear his hearing aids today so it was all hand signals and smiles. Ketchup smeared on one of his cheeks while his tongue peeked out between his lips and he held up the money to the vendor. 

Bucky already knew from the look on the man’s face Clint didn’t have enough but he took what was offered anyway and shook his head to himself, opening a shallow compartment and waving away the hot steam trying to attack his face before tongs retrieved a plump red hot dog and rested it on a bun that waited with a wrapper underneath. He held it as Clint pointed to every condiment the man had to offer and got the works done on it before it was handed off and his friend smiled wide and waved before he came back to sit at Natasha’s other side.

“You have ketchup on your face.” Bucky let out when Clint looked his way, his hot dog still in his hand as he wiggled his finger at Barton’s cheek.

Natasha rolled her eyes at the blond but smiled, licking the corner of her napkin before she was dabbing it at Clint’s cheek and he stopped eating only because she was cleaning him off. When she finished, she nodded for him to go on and he gave her a pleasant ‘OK’ gesture before returning to his hot dog.

Bucky smiled, looking back at the absent crowd of people walking through the park, smiling at dogs that looked his way and eventually Natasha turned her attention back to him, “Are you not eating?”

Fussing a little with his bun, he had been holding it for so long the moisture crumbled a little of the bread away, flaking a bit before a hard gust broke it off and sent it towards some birds eating garbage nearby, a crow immediately making a grab for it. 

“I’m eating, I was just..looking at everything.”

_Hot dogs are just garbage in a sausage tube James, don’t put that junk in your mouth. I don’t care if you like the taste, it’ll make you sick and eating too many will make you fat. You’re already getting too big for your pants what would your father say?_

Natasha nudged him with her shoe, eating the last bit of her own hot dog, smiling at him with perfect pinned back red hair, no crumbs or any signs she even ate anything, fingers wiping along the napkin she had in her lap.

Clint devoured his second hot dog in record time, he looked like he never ate a thing but Bucky had seen him eat four slices of pizza at Jack’s house when his parents said they could all have a sleepover and his mom took them to the store for junk food.

He looked down at his waist, his pants _were_ a little tight, though his stomach was hurting because he only ate oatmeal in the morning. He drew in a breath, taking the hot dog out and holding it towards Clint, who took it without question and Bucky began to eat the bun.

Something across Natasha’s face changed but she didn’t say anything and he swallowed what he had in his mouth before giving her a shrug, “Not that hungry.”

Natasha hummed sweetly as she nodded, he noticed she always did that when he said he wasn’t. She was thoughtful as she stared off and smoothed out her dress, hand slipping into one of her wide pockets to retrieve an envelope of wax paper holding something square inside.

“Oh, I forgot! This is for you.” 

She held it out and he naturally accepted whatever Natalia offered, peeking inside to find a thick decadent square of fudge brownie staring back at him. He quietly took in a breath and Natasha turned to hand Clint another napkin.

“You want to come to my house with Clint and I?”

Bucky was still staring at the treat and wrestling with himself, a soft hand rested on his arm and grey eyes slowly looked to her as she smiled, “Maybe not that hungry but I know you like it. Come home with us James, we’ll have fun.” 

Bucky blinked at her, Natasha absently breaking off a bit of the brownie and pressing it to his fingers. He took it and a light nudge was all it took for it to go into his mouth, her fingers lightly squeezing at his wrist.

He nodded carefully as he chewed, “Okay.”


	13. Bucky & Steve - Spiders

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another anon request/prompt, Steve doesn't get maimed this time. :)

There was a spider in the bathroom. It was loitering in the bathtub and it wasn’t until Bucky drew the curtains back to pull them out so he could have a bath that he saw it and dropped all the bottles he was holding against his chest.

Of course that was when it _moved_ and Bucky backed himself away, brain yelling for him to get far and even though he could have easily opened the door and let himself out, he wanted off the floor immediately, scrambling backwards onto the counter.

There was a fucking spider in the bathroom again and Bucky was prepared to burn the whole building down.

He knew because of it being winter this was a possibility but there were so many other apartments to get into, especially when he wasn’t around. Why would they choose the one time he was there to invade Steve’s space, Bucky’s face getting longer at the sight of eight hairy legs carefully walking across half the tub’s space before stopping again and it was so gross. He wasn’t sure he could bathe in there ever again, shuddering at the thought of sitting naked where the spider had been.

He recalled the one time when he was about fourteen and all the stores were supplying Halloween decorations already and Brock thought it would be funny to buy packages of soft bodied spiders that were about the size of real ones. Bucky didn’t notice a couple went into his soup and he flipped the bowl he was about to sip from when he saw them. The dish caught Brock straight in the mouth just as he started laughing at him. It was interesting trying to explain to people his split lip _wasn’t_ from fighting, at least not this time.

“Buck?” 

Bucky ignored Steve calling from the bedroom, his eyes locked on the spider and contemplating if Steve would mind squished bug guts on the side of his deodorant stick. He yelped in horror when it moved, investigating one of the bottles Bucky had dropped into the tub and now was crawling all over his bubble bath and he was going to throw up. He was going to have to buy a new one it was too disgusting to even think about touching ever again. 

Steve cautiously opened the door, blue eyes peeking through the crack until their gaze met and it sank in why Bucky was perched where he was. 

“Spider?”

He was frozen to move, locked on the spider that was still crawling about all over his bottle of bubble gum smelling pink bath soap, too scared to do anything except hug his knees closer to his chest.

Steve took a look around the door so he could glance at where Bucky was looking, a small sigh escaping him, “Looks like you need another Mr. Bubble.”

Normally Bucky would be a little turned on from Steve knowing exactly what he was thinking about when he saw the spider on the bottle but right now he was contemplating either pushing Steve in the tub when the blond entered so he could make a run out of the apartment or pressing back against the mirror some more. 

He chose the latter, too frozen to even try to do anything else while Steve carefully moved in and stooped over the mouth of the tub, arms moving a second, the bubble bath bottle sitting on the toilet and a few seconds later the tap was running. 

Glancing over his shoulder Steve smiled lightly, putting the stopper in after turning the water off, “It’s gone, I sent it down the drain with some water and put the plug in, figured if I tried to pick it up and go past you it may get knocked out of my hands. You’re safe- ” Stopping himself, he picked up the Mr. Bubble and approached the sink, humoring Bucky by washing the whole bottle of _soap_ with his hand wash soap, resting it beside the sink to dry off. “Now you’re safe. No spider, no spider germs.”

Bucky stared at him, legs carefully unfolding as he slid on his butt to the edge of the counter so they could dangle off. He put his arms out and Steve moved to place himself between knees and Bucky wrapped them around his neck, holding him tight. “Thank you.”

He felt Steve chuckle against him as he hugged back.

“Spiderslayer at your service, and thank you for not hurting me in any way for the sake of saving yourself from a rabid spider attack. Being choked the first time, then having my back stepped on like a spring board during the second time aren’t very nice sensations when you’re not expecting them at that moment.”

Bucky smiled as he drew back, holding Steve’s chin in place before he pressed a kiss to his cheek, “I’m sorry, I just lose all thought and panic when I see them.”

Steve blinked at him, blushing a little as he thought for a moment before he shrugged, “I guess a little pain never hurt anyone.”


	14. Bucky & Alex - Nap Time

“Come here, lay down with me.”

Bucky pressed his side against the frame of the entryway, his eyes darted along the room slightly confused and unsure, “I thought you were mad at me.”

Alex lifted his gaze from the television, “Mad? Why would I be mad?”

Pressing his lips together, Bucky tried to shuffle the past few hours in his head. His hand had slipped and he dropped the water glass and shattered it while they were eating. Alex looked so _disappointed_ in him, rolling his eyes and going back to his phone. Told him to clean it up so no one else would step on the shards because of his klutzy nature which was true, Bucky really didn’t want anyone else cutting themselves because of him. While he cleaned up, Alex ate and took their plates away to the sink even if Bucky barely started but that was his fault for dropping the glass in the first place so it made sense. 

At least he wasn’t yelling like last time when Bucky was holding their iced coffees in the Jag and Alex had to hit the brakes because someone was cutting him off. Unfortunately one fell out of the drink tray and all over himself as well as the expensive upholstery. Alex was livid and refusing to do anything before the car was cleaned out. Bucky was left with wet jeans and had to sit on a towel they procured from the dealership. He was told to think about what happened so it didn’t occur again, which made sense, he should have been more careful. 

Alex yelling was just the worst feeling, it wasn’t really directed at him, he was just angry about things sometimes. He was almost always neat and tidy, calm and levelheaded but he had yelled twice since Bucky had known him and both times he hated it. It reminded him of mama and even though it was a natural way to release anger, it was so _loud_ and triggering that fight or flight response from him. He had to stamp it down every time because this wasn’t a time for that reaction, Alex wasn’t mad at him, he was just mad. He just hated somehow being in the link that caused him to become upset though, he cared so much for Alexander, he didn’t deserve to be unhappy and really, Bucky was just too sensitive about things.

Bucky approached the couch with slow, hesitant steps. His legs felt heavier to move than usual, feet refusing to let him set the speed and it came out halting and twitchy at first. He reached a hand against the arm of the couch, fingers sinking into the plush fabric, brain feeling a little disconnected to the sensation as he felt blue eyes tracing his every movement. Bucky couldn’t entirely understand why it made him feel nervous all of a sudden, ignoring the way his stomach twisted and pulled at him.

He dropped himself down onto the couch, cushions absorbing his added weight between Alex’s already spread legs, one off the couch to let Bucky adjust into the vee of them as his boyfriend reclined and watched with a steady smile. 

Peeking over, he only smiled back watching one corner of Alex’s mouth twitch upwards some more, hand coming out for him to take. Bucky accepted it and shifted in sideways, hesitating just a moment at the thought of him draping his weight across Alexander’s body and how he wasn’t sure if it would be comfortable to do so. His mother had just recently told him to cut back on the calories he was taking in because he was going to be fitted for a new suit for a very important party in a month and Alex accidentally bought him a new sweater that was a size too big for him. His boyfriend insisted he only bought what would fit well for him so that only left Bucky wondering if he looked smaller than what he usually looked and he was actually getting _bigger_ than what he may have noticed. Maybe mama enjoyed teasing him, but Lex wouldn’t do those things on purpose.

“Come on, lay out. You’re fine.” 

Feeling a little relieved that Alex was encouraging him, he laid out sideways against his boyfriend’s chest and an arm draped around him, blush rushing to his cheeks as he felt him being squeezed close.

Bucky raised his head, peeking up and found Alex looking happier now, almost pleased as fingers ran delicately through his hair and he almost sighed out from it.

“You always look so beautiful, you know that?”

The blush across Bucky’s face grew darker and he dropped his head back against Alexander’s chest to hide it. 

Bucky shifted a little and tried to get himself comfortable completely. He wasn’t sure why this felt a little awkward in the first place, there was really no reason to. It was true that while Alex didn’t always want to cuddle or hold hands, Bucky was elated when he did and it was how he was, not everyone was into PDA. It was just that moments after he was frustrated or angry when he wanted to, it worried Bucky because if his mother did it, he may get into more trouble. 

Swallowing thickly, Alex kept stroking his fingers through his hair and Bucky slowly let his eyes close, relaxing into it. 

“Let’s have a nap, you look tired.” 

Sighing contently, Bucky nodded against his chest and cuddled against him while Alex brought his leg back up to bracket around him. He wished he wasn’t so hyper about the small stupid things, they weren’t important when they were like this and happy together. 

Bucky had to keep telling himself that this was _Alexander_ and not just anyone Brock would become friends with. He wasn’t anything like his mother and he would never have been introduced if that was the case. 

It was all in his head, he was sure of it.


	15. Bucky & Alex - He taught me to play it better

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This was supposed to be added with the "Piano scene" at Tony's Christmas party in chapter 24. It ran alongside the song _You've Never Had a Dream_ by Massive Attack and ultimately in the end I left it out. Not entirely sure why, the bold lines are where it would have been placed in the story.

_**Johnny sat down on the bench beside Bucky, lightly pressing down on one ivory key, then another playing a small little children’s nursery rhyme before stopping.**_

It felt good to get away from all the stuffiness and issues at the party. The large music room was a Godsend but the piano. It was the piano that called to him, seated there muted and beautiful, light bouncing off the edging and the smooth sleek surface begged to be touched. 

It scared the life out of him.

His hands itched to play, pressed along his thighs while Johnny joined him and he stared at the keys. It was the creak of the French doors to the side that reminded him of the past, the faint sound when Johnny walked by them, lit up to a room next door that was a sitting area but in his memories it led out to the gardens.

Bucky played like always back then, fingers dancing across ivory with the finesse of any young talented pianist, his head tilting to one side as he closed his eyes and let the notes carry him off and away. He knew blue eyes were already upon him, and as much as his mother loathed Clint’s habit, she gave up on stopping him from climbing on top of their piano to either perch like some bird when he wanted to listen or sometimes laid out on it. He loved to _feel_ the music, press his cheek against the surface and touch the notes that were contained inside. The pale shift next to him was always Natasha, sometimes on the bench, sometimes on one of the sofas as she had tea and hummed with the music. It was always a time he loved.

He used to love. 

He didn’t quite mind playing for them because it was them he played mostly for just to make them happy since it’s what made him happy.

He would continue playing Ave Maria because as simple as it was, Natasha liked hearing it. The last few times Bucky would steal a glance or two to the side by the large glass doors, one partially open and Alex looking thoughtful outside before he was typing on his phone again. 

Pierce preferred him to play Danse Macabre, and although he had a music teacher that taught him how to play it well, _technically_ well. Alex taught him to play it _better_. 

All he had to do was wait until they were alone and speak in his ear, brush his fingers just right, let Bucky feel the touch of his breath against his skin, the weight of him against his back. He went so _easy_ with Alex pulling at the strings and when it all came to a head he simply chose to give it up and withdraw.

Johnny watched him carefully, foot accidentally hitting his shoe and coaxing him back to the party they were at and before an innocent piano that asked his fingers to touch them. That dread and panic he was anticipating didn't seem to come in although he could feel the hesitation bleed out of him. He never told anyone but it was stupid to assume they didn’t pick up on why he stopped. 

He just..hated remembering anything that was tethered with Alexander but he was also feeling guilty for letting go of things just because he tainted them.

_**Bucky looked over at him quietly, giving him a small smile.** _

_**“Play something with me Buck.”** _


End file.
